She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
