A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
