You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
