I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Randomize
