As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
