I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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