I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
