White coat. Heels.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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