dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
