Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Randomize
