made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
tell me about the fingering
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