she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
