I just cut my nipple shaving
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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