he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
