I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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