currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
