He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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