Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
