Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
