i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize