someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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