I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Enjoy the penises
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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