You don't have asthma, your pregnant
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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