jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
