Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
