Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
