I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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