im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I am available for nakedness
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
