so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
