dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
