I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
