Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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