I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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