She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Randomize
