Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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