i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
