one word: firstdatebathroomanal
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
