The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
