got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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