dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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