I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
