i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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