More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
