I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
