Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Randomize
