4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
