she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
only if we run a train.
done.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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