Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
You made out with two different species that night
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Randomize
