but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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