how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
