Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
My bed smells like the plague
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