i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
