i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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