I like to think it a success when the cops are called
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
