i just wanna soil my oats bro
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
