we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
