I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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