Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
