i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Shitshow foam night was such a success
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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