she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
