The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
