I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
