i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
